Trudging along

Well another week passed in this crazy old world. This past week I have been extremely busy with gardening and putting my brothers 40th birthday party together. Now it is wednesday and I am in a slump. I was so busy last week and now this week its like everything has slowed down. I need to keep my mind busy because its helps me to focus better. In this day and age we are always on the go for something whether it be work,sports,or our social life. We dont stop that often and just have idle time. For me thats a good thing. I know that I cant be busy twenty four seven but I need to have something to focus on rather than just my thoughts. Yes I do just have that down time but I dont need that much of it. I really need to focus on being more positive towards myself. I find myself unconsiously putting myself down. That is not what I need and it is not what I deserve. Right now I am focused on getting my masters degree and it will be finished in august. So I have alot of free time. I have a "to do" list everyday that helps tremendously. I focus on that and get things accomplished. So this week I will focus on being positive and working on my to do list. Until next time.......

A new week

Today is going good. I got up and started organizing my home. I took my medicine and ate like I should. I used to not take my medicine and forget to eat but I am trying really hard not to forget. I am very forgetful at times. I am unemployed right now and I fill my time with activities around the house and yard. I miss going to work everyday. I know that sounds weird but working really boosts my self worth. But lately I have been doing yard work and see the finished product makes me feel good too. I have three beautiful dogs, Sam, Gizmo, and Evan. I spend all day with them and they are somewhat spoiled. I am writing down each day things that I need to accomplish. I think that works out well so I dont forget to do anything. Well aint I scatter brained today. Like I said today was a good day and I will strive to have every day this week be good. Till next time...............

End of the day

So today was a good and a not so good. I got alot of yard work done, but had a few low moments in between. The funny thing about depression is that one minute you can be ok and the next things just look gloomy. I am on ant-depressants and that helps me out alot. I know it is not the cure all but it is one key ingredient for me being less depressed. I dont want it to sound like I get depressed every day but it has its ups and downs. I just recently got married to a wonderful mand that I want to spend the rest of my life with. He has never had to deal with depression and for awhile it was hard for us to communicate. He is learning more and accepting and I am so thankful. Life is not always a rose garten but its worth trying to fight for.

First time blogging

I am new at this so dont really know what to say. I guess I will just start typing my thoughts. I have major depression. I have had it since I was a teenager. It sucks. I have had major bouts off and on through the years. My last bout was in Dec. of last year. I was hospitalized for a few weeks for suicidal thoughts. With depression I feel like there is no hope sometimes and then other days I feel like I am slowly getting by. I just wanted to start with a few words. I will write more later.